warning: this would be very long and possibly something that would bore you to death (?) since you know how i tend to ramble a lot, especially when i'm talking about you. (p.s. this is some snippets that I wrote in different days so forgive me if it sounds pretty rushed and incomplete).


this is actually some sort of thing that i've been trying to write for the whole hell week, in between breaks and before i succumb to sleep. those moments when i'm missing you so intensely that i just have to write something in a piece of a scrap paper. quick notes that i type on my phone whenever i saw something that reminded me of you. the smallest things that made my mind race a million times faster despite how drained i am from all the things that needs to get done, you still manage slip in between the crevices of my brain, unconsciously making me smile in the most random moments-- and it did nothing but made my longing for you intensify each day.


i'm not a good writer. i could never write as good as you are nor i could write something that can possibly awe people. i just jolt down the first thing that comes to my mind. my thoughts are always so messy-- even i, can't understand myself sometimes (but you, on the other hand understand me perfectly despite how much i butchered my words) and i don't know how to express myself properly in words but i'll try for you.

there's a crumpled note in my pocket on the second day of hell week. when i got home, i looked at it saw a doodled kitten on a piece of scrap paper (i would show you, but i lost it). i remember doodling the damn thing on a particularly hard test and i was stuck on a problem. the piece of paper was from my scratch that i was suppose to be using to solve the thing written on my exam. it was one of those moments where i should be focused but i can't help but to think about you when i saw the kitten that i drew. stupid, wasn't it? giggling over a piece of paper when i should be more concerned about the task at hand. on the same day, you told me about how much you love teaching people and that's actually one of the things that i admire about you. you're so passionate about the things that you love and it's something that makes me wonder why you can't see how wonderful and amazing you are. i always love saying how you "always do the most" which are words that i came to associate with you. you put effort in the smallest things. there's no half-assed work when it comes to you. you're so passionate and you never complain. i wish i could be the same.

wednesday was an off day for the both of us. we were both tired. i was mentally and physically drained. there's so much things to do and so little time, i was under pressure. you, on the other hand has some things that you need to deal with as well, things that runs through your mind that never seem to leave you alone. truthfully, whenever the both of us are not in the right mood, i always tell myself that this day will pass and tomorrow will be better. bad days aren't permanent. i know it sounds pretty naive, but i always thought that the universe would make up for the bad day by making tomorrow brighter and easier to get through. that tomorrow, you're gonna smile a little wider and you won't be thinking about the things that always eats you away. that you're gonna welcome me home with this lovely smile that i came to adore. i know that there's instances where you hide what you really feel from me-- either you don’t want to worry me or you're thinking that you're a bother. i told you a lot of times before that no matter what mood you're in, i would still want to be with you. i want you to tell me about all the things that you did for the day, despite how mundane it is. i want to hear you ramble about random topics, what pissed you off during the day or which sock got stuck in the dryer for the nth time. i want you to talk to me without holding anything back because no matter what is it, i'll still listen.


the next day, i was right about the day being brighter. the week is ending soon. I was in a good mood because everything would be over soon and I’m finally gonna be with you. It was one of my busiest days but as usual, you managed to slip into my thoughts again. It was quiet funny, how something so mundane made me stop in my tracks because it made me think of you. A simple strawberry print on someone’s hoodie, a little faded but it’s still there. I don’t know if I’m just fucking whipped or maybe I’m just so tired but I started smiling to myself like a goddamn lunatic. I was thinking about how much you love strawberries (also how good you look in pink hair) and how cute it would be if you’re the one wearing the hoodie instead. It was one of those random moments when I began missing you intensely. I realized that I haven’t talked to you for a whole day and it made me long for you even more. Dramatic, isn’t it?


Friday comes and I must say, I was way too hyped to even sit still. Got yelled at two times (I wish I was kidding) during one of my exams because I just couldn’t keep myself from moving in my seat. I can finally be with you after this day and that got me so happy. I was missing you so much and just the thought of spending time with you is enough to make me the happiest. The week’s been a whole roller-coaster ride. The brief messages and kisses that we managed to sneak in during the day and night isn’t enough. I was just glad that everything is done.


You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this. So fucking long and what for? What’s the big deal, yoonoh? Well.

Before, I was this person who doesn’t even look forward to anything. I don’t long for someone who can atleast make me forget how tired I am. I do so many vigorous things in a day, everything’s too fast and it’s tiring. I don’t look forward to anything at all-- everything’s just fucking monochrome. I don’t rush home after every practice because I know that coming home would just leave me alone to ponder over mundane things, drown in so many unwelcomed thoughts.

And then you came (fuck, that’s such a cliche line).


Countless of times, I always wonder why someone so precious, loving and beautiful became mine? You’re the one who kicked down the fucking door and came into my life so unexpectedly like a burst of color. You made my days brighter, more colorful and I’m not just saying that for the sake of being cheesy. You’ve become my constant. Everyday seems like a whole dream, no matter how tiring or bad it has been. Waking up in the morning curled up next to each other, every silly banters and little kisses that we exchanged during the whole day and at night, sleeping next to you after our vow-like goodnight kisses, knowing that tomorrow, you’re still gonna be there with me. Being with you is as natural as breathing, loving you is the same.


This is getting so fucking long-- longer than I intended it to be so I’ll wrap it up (please tell me you’re still reading).


I feel like we’ve been with together for more than a whole year from how much we’re so in tune with each other. You understand me the most, every little quirk and even my fifth grader humor. You’re everything that I ever wanted in a partner and I’m so grateful that you’re mine. I wish we can stay with each other for as long as time would allow us, my love. You’re one of the biggest reason for my happiness.


Happy three months to our love and to us, angel. Let’s stay with each other for a long time, okay? we still need to be billionaires by the time we’re both seventy so we can reserve the whole eiffel for one (1) dinner date. Get married and have pups (haha). do all the things that we’re both afraid to try. Hold each other’s hand through everything, even if things wouldn’t go in our way. We’re going to be alright, baby.

I love you, lee taeyong. I’m so happy to be yours and I’m so glad that you’re mine.


With love,
Yoonoh.